January 10, 2010

My Perfect Lucky

It happened last week when I caved in, let my mind wander- and have the best of me. I had watched the changing numbers almost daily on the scale. I didn't care. For the most part my clothes still fit fine. I have always hated my body-nothing was new there.

This cave-in led to me getting rid of clothes that have been in my closet for the past 5+ years. Clothes that have been worn ragged, about 1/3 of my wardrobe. I made a pile of jeans covered in holes-I would keep those to maybe make a blanket out of. And two days later something I saw in the corner my eye demanded my attention. Sitting in my closet on top of that old pile of jeans, were an old pair of jeans that I had loved to death.We've all had them. That one pair of jeans that just seem to fit perfectly. Mine were Lucky jeans. Zip up, lighter in color and tiny in size. They were probably the most expensive pair of jeans I had ever purchased. I got them at The Buckle, and the alterations for my shorter legs were free. I remembered when I purchased them . . . I remembered feeling "cute" in my jeans for the first time. I remembered coming out of the fitting room, looking in the reflection of the mirror, and seeing that the salesman standing behind me had his eyes on my . . . uh hum . . . derriere. Yes, they were the perfect pair.

I wore these jeans when Josh and I were dating. I wore them until I was about 4 months pregnant with Zackary. I haven't worn them since. I knew there was no way they would fit me now, and yet I was completely unable to resist the temptation to see just how much my body has changed in 5 1/2 years. I stepped into my perfect jeans, and only got them thigh high.

When I look in the mirror I don't see a difference between the me then and the me now. I don't feel a difference either. But my Lucky's don't lie. I am different. And even though I can't feel or see that difference, I would give anything to be that me again.

I realize that was 5 1/2 years ago. I realize I am older and I have carried two more babies in my womb. I realize that there are many people out there who will tell me I will probably never be that me again. But my mind and my body tell me I can. They tell me I had already had a child when I was wearing my perfect jeans. They tell me to look at the other women in my life who did fight or bounce back to their perfect Lucky. They tell me that nothing is impossible and that I need to fight for my dreams, to fight for me.

Now my perfect Lucky is hanging in the doorway of my closet.

1 comments from people we love:

Karen Rowley said...