January 22, 2012

Too Many Hours

I don't know what you or your spouses do for a living. I am a homemaker. My husband works full-time as a Firefighter, and part time as a Paramedic with our local ambulance service. It gets lonely sometimes.

For the month of January - meaning from January 1st to January 31st - Josh is working about 340 hours, and that's before travel time. Believe it or not, that's kind of a slow month for him. It's hard. And I miss him.

I hate sleeping by myself at night half the month. I hate that birthday parties are hard to schedule because Josh works that night or that weekend. Or that Josh is gone working on our families birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. I hate that moving away would be "too difficult." I hate that trying to leave town is almost impossible, unless I want to travel with the children by myself. Of course when I do leave with the children, I feel guilty that we left town without Josh - or that we'll be gone during one of his days home. I hate it. And I hate that he's not paid more for all of the hours that he puts in.

But for all that I hate, I am so grateful that Josh works not 1, but 2 jobs that he loves. I'm grateful that he has employment when so many others do not. I'm grateful that Josh is there and at his best when the people he's helping are often times at their worst or their most desperate. I'm grateful that Josh works with people he likes. I'm grateful that while Josh is gone working, I'm able to stay home with our lovely children. We are blessed, and I am so grateful for that.

I don't know why all of this is coming out right now. I guess I really miss him tonight. I want him here, making me laugh. I want to shower with him and snuggle the night away. I want to talk with him about all that happened today, even though we should be sleeping instead.

When Josh is home, life runs so much smoother. Not easier, smoother. He helps out so I can do other things that need to be done around the house. He'll pick up the children from school and take them to their activities so I can have a day off from being in the car for hours at a time.

Josh makes me happy. He adds so much extra love to my days. Like I said, I don't know where all this came from. I guess I just miss him in extra amounts tonight.

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